I have had MDD since 11/93, after a 7 day cruise to Mexico from Southern California. Mine came on within one day of embarking on this trip, as when we stopped at the first stop, I couldn't walk straight on land and was ok on the boat. I am usually very seasick, and this time had no medications. I ate and played and had a wonderful time, so it was not a complete washout!
I have a friend who also has MDD, we also share Fibromyalgia, which stems from the stress levels I believe that our body puts on us. We also had a small spot on our MRIs, that were not "important" enough to write up, that gave us a normal MRI reading. I am wondering if anyone else had this result. I have found a wonderful doctor who understands MDD, unfortunately he is 225 miles away from me, and I see him only once or twice a year.
The most difficult part of MDD is going from SUPERWOMAN to less than bright! I was an honor student in High School (over 30 years ago), and a very capable Working Mom/Took Classes/Lots of Hobbies, Friend, Social Activities/Volunteer work/ and Member of several Organizations with lots of Involvement. Since MDD, I have a very different life. Almost immediately, I had lots of trouble spelling, I lost all math capability, and had to retire because I was an Auditing Accounts Payable Clerk for a large County in So. California. My concentration is gone, and my short term memory stinks, I have to keep a datebook at all times, because I can't remember from one minute to the next sometimes what my plans are. I had to buy a watch that had the day and date on it so I didn't have to ask my Husband thirty times a day what day it was, or the date. I had to start doing crossword puzzles, and jumbles to reeducate my brain into spelling right. I have learned to say things a lot of ways, because sometimes the word I want to spell, doesn't look right, and I cannot figure the right spelling.
I've been told we have a problem with blood levels in the brain, and to revive the flow, you should study a foreign language, music composition or mathematics. I take Spanish Conversation Class, but can only go to individual classes, because there is too much confusion at a class of 3 or 4 others. I also get too wrapped up in it, and have to take off every other semester, because after a while, my brain cannot comprehend anything new. I go one hour a week for about 12 weeks, then take the next semester off. My instructor says that about the fourth week into the class, I am remembering most of the previous class, then I start learning again. Then it gets too much, and I cannot absorb anything for a while, take off a semester and start again later.
Noise seems to come right into my head. It seems like there is a large funnel taking every noise, compounding it and sending it right into my reverberating brain. I hate the grocery store, It is like torture to do the weekly shopping. Large stores with high product shelves are also difficult. I have learned to go at 7am or 9 pm because the screaming children and the traffic level is lower. I make a list, keep it with me, and only go to one store. I follow the same floorplan every time I go. One time I tried doing it in reverse, because my car was parked at the other door, and I wandered aimlessly. Had to eventually walk all the way to the other side and go the other direction.
The shelves seem to inundate me with sensory input, and I am confused by the time I am half way down the aisle, I've forgotten what I wanted. I am physically and emotionally exhausted by the time I finish shopping. I am lucky there is one man in the Produce Aisle, who understands I am ill, and always talks to me when he sees I don't look good. He is the one who gets me from the last aisle to the Checkout. I drive people nuts behind me with my swaying, the more stressed I am the more I sway. It helps to hold on to the cart, it keeps the motion down, but I am sure a few of them think I am drunk!
I have started buying meat at a small meat market, milk at the local Gas Station. The drug store has ice cream, drinks and candy, there are lots of fresh produce stands almost year around. My husband will do simple shopping, bread, milk, etc, but I still need to go for the stocking up process, canned juices, onions, potatoes, and daily necessities that you need on the shelf. I used to love to go to the grocery store, now I dread it, and it takes 1 1/2 hours, instead of 45 minutes to do the same thing.
I love to drive!!! It is the only time I feel like a real person. Unfortunately I still have to get out of the car, and become "handicapped" again. It is a rude awakening.
I also love to do Genealogy, my family tree research keeps me sane. I think because it is black and white, like a puzzle, and it is something you can see results, or have specific goals. I have a computer program to help me, because I can't remember most of the details. I carry lots of papers of printouts with me, highlighted to see what I have to do next. I do lots of work over again, because I forgot I'd done it. I am trying to expand my brain power.
My fibromyalgia is a chronic muscle pain related to arthritis, has to do with sleep deprivation and stress levels. If you don't sleep, your muscles, tendons and connective tissues don't revitalize them, you wake up tired, and feeling "beat up" or exhausted all day long. Naps are necessary until more normal sleep is restored. This has cleared considerably with a life style change, and stress reduction. The Arthritis Foundation has excellent resources if anyone else has this concurrently with MDD.
I am still a very busy person, I find using the computer a big help in my handicap in spelling, writing and numbers. There is the Quicken Program, which keeps my checkbook, It is different somehow, doing it on the computer, than trying to do it alone. The Right/?Left side of the brain or something like that. Did anyone here with MDD ever have an ususual "space" attach, like a fainting with conscious awareness of what is going on, but unable to connect to your body? Nancy and I have both had one, I had like a "faint", where I could feel my dog licking my face, and hear my husband talking, but was unable to move or respond. Nancy had the same thing at work, she will have to tell you about it, but the two incidents seemed very similar when we finally each discussed it. I think there are symptoms we don't know about, because not enough people have come together to say, "yes, I had that"--I think there is going to be some research needed now there seems to be more of us.
I do have to say, that a life style and stress reduction changes are very necessary. Also I found that cutting down on caffeine was paramount to my alleviating the major symptoms. I have the rocking and swaying, mostly when I am most tired or stressed. The worst symptom I have is the Tinnitus, which gets louder when I am tired, stressed, or having too much iced tea.
I have lots to share, and my friend and I have such help from each other, we have also talked about a website, as we each get lots of letters from MDD people. My story is on the 'Dizziness' Bulletin board, and I get lots of letters from people who want to touch base with another MDD person.
I think this Web site is a good Idea, and will support it 100%. There isn't anything in the world like being able to complain to someone without having to explain what you are talking about.