On November 12, 1997 I flew from Glasgow (Scotland) via London for a business trip in Boston. I had a very hectic time there with 5 days of constant meetings and socialising/dinners in the evenings; I couldn't adjust to US time so was very fatigued. I noticed I felt slightly dizzy when I closed my eyes or lay in bed - it felt like I was still travelling on the plane. I put this down to jetlag and didn't worry about it. After the business week I flew down to Florida for a weeks holiday with some close friends, and had a wonderfully relaxing time - I spent a large amount of time sleeping. The dizziness faded away after the first night or so.
The return journey on November 23, 1997 involved 3 flights and around 13 hours flying time in all. I couldn't sleep on the overnight flight and was exhausted when I got home. I had one day off work to recover from jetlag and spent this sleeping. When I lay down in bed it felt like I was rocking around, back and forth - it felt exactly like being on a boat. Over the next few days I found that when walking it felt like the floor was undulating under me, or that inside my head I was swaying back and forward, up and down. These feelings persisted constantly over the next two weeks, but instead of fading away they got worse and worse. I had a huge backlog of work to catch up on, and I worked very long hours over these two weeks. By the end of each working day the rocking, swaying feelings were really intense, and even worse at nights when trying to sleep. By week three I was getting into a panic, extremely worried about what could be wrong with me, and finding it almost impossible to sleep. (Also, I have asthma, and was worried that I was going to panic myself into an asthma attack.)
In the third week, my husband took me in desperation down to the emergency GP clinic at the local hospital in the middle of a very bad night. The doctor there reassured me I was still suffering from the after effects of the flights, and that the feelings should fade away after another week or so. She prescribed Stemetil (I think this is an anti-vertiginous drug) which I stopped taking after a few days as it made me feel even worse. I then went to see my GP who thought I probably had a middle ear infection and prescribed ear drops - these didn't help either. By this time I was off work as I couldn't cope any more - my memory and concentration were in shreds, and I found the weird motion sensations so disconcerting that I kept bursting into tears, feeling very anxious and panicky. I went to see a different GP who put it all down to stress/depression, (I can't really blame him considering the state I was in by then) and suggested a course of antidepressants. I was very uncertain about this, so we agreed to wait a week and he meanwhile gave me a small supply of valium (diazepam).
I discovered that taking the valium didn't just calm me down, but markedly reduced the rocking sensations. I also discovered that going for a drive in the car didn't make me feel worse (as I had expected) but gave me almost complete temporary respite from the symptoms. Then a friend suggested doing an internet search, and within 5 minutes I had found the MDD website. I sat and cried with relief and amazement as I had found an exact description of everything I had been experiencing. Finding this information was a real turning point. I downloaded everything I could find and took it all back to GP No. 3 - he agreed that it seemed to fit my symptoms exactly, but that I should not lose sight of the stress factors, and that all we could do now was "wait and see".
I do worry slightly that I haven't had the battery of neurological and ENT tests that most of the other MDD sufferers seem to have taken. I have only had basic blood pressure, eye/hand co-ordination tests, and ear examinations. The NHS system in the UK tends to mean that you don't get referred for costly specialist treatment unless your illness is seen as really acute (or if you have private medical insurance). I suspect it will take many more months before my GP will see fit to have this condition investigated further. I don't know whether its worth making a fuss to be sent for tests which (I hope) would only prove normal, when I do feel convinced that MDD is the correct diagnosis.
The initial euphoria of finding out what is wrong with me has faded somewhat; the reality is that the MDD symptoms are still with me constantly, and still hard to cope with; although I have good and bad days, there is so far no real lasting reduction in their severity or duration, and I still get anxious and panicky at times. I am continuing with very low doses of valium (only around 2mg per day) usually at night when I still find the MDD feelings at their most extreme; I tried a larger dose one night and found it removed the symptoms completely, but UK doctors are very reluctant to prescribe this drug and I'm doubtful that my GP would agree to a higher dosage.
I am now back at work, but my concentration and short term memory are still poor; I constantly have to write down reminders to myself and have to concentrate really hard to do things that I used to breeze through. I'm a journal editor and attention to detail is very important, so I'm concerned that I'll make mistakes. I have to go slowly and can't work at the frantic pace I used to do.
The website and forum have been a major source of comfort; the sharing of information and support is wonderful. I've made contact with Evan Torrie and another UK-based sufferer, and its been really helpful to have their feedback. I am gradually learning which situations and environments cause me extra problems: e.g. overworking, dark, busy or noisy rooms, night-time socialising, shopping at supermarkets, fluorescent lights, patterned floors, sitting at the computer for long periods of time; and some things that help: gentle walking with my eyes on the horizon, going for short drives, relaxation techniques, trying to avoid stress, trying to get good quality sleep (hardest of all to achieve!). I'd like to try vestibular rehabilitation therapy, but there don't seem to be many resources in this country offering such therapy. However, I've just been given the name of a physiotherapist who may be able to help and hope to follow this up.
I do get upset that work colleagues and friends do not remotely understand how disconcerting this condition is; because I am generally coping better, back at work and managing to get about in the outside world, they think I am really quite well, and I've even been on the receiving end of some jokes.....
I've been on many other flights (including two transatlantic journeys) with no ill effects - so why this time? In my case I wonder about a possible link with factors like:
- A car accident I had in January 1997: I suffered a whiplash injury but did it also affect my immune system and/or inner ear?
- The immune system: I had an illness from May to August 1997 which was diagnosed as post viral fatigue. Perhaps my immune system was still vulnerable when I travelled in November?
- Extreme fatigue at the time of travel and afterwards. It might have helped if I'd taken longer to recover from the trip and not launched straight into a crazy work schedule.
- Stress at the time of travel - I had to agree with GP no. 3 that I was under a lot of stress, both at work and in some personal matters - and stress of course adversely affects the immune system. However, until I went on that trip I was in good health and coping with the stress. I firmly believe the airplane flights were the precipitating factor, and if I hadn't gone on the trip I'd be fine right now.